A lighthouse

One day my friend Lucy Rodjito posted a picture of a lighthouse in her Facebook. It was beautiful scenery of a lighthouse which stood strong on the rock and visible with a clear sea background and blue sky.

Right away it reminded me with my dad. One day my dad told me, "In your life I hope you will be like a lighthouse, you will be far away from the crowd; stand lonely by yourself, but you can lead people to reach the place safely"

It was so easy to touch my heart and to bring me back to precious moments with my dad. In my life I think my dad not only gave me a name Lina which in Greek has a meaning “a light” but also he continuously told me what I should stand for in life. He wanted me to bring the spirit of light for everyone.

He always said, “Find the meaning of your life and dedicate your life for that. You probably will walk alone in your life; you will hardly find good friends in your way. Don’t worry … keep going and you will grow stronger and stronger… you will never regret that you pass that way. You will lead people by your heart”

I experienced in my life, I learned step by step to be the lighthouse. My dad gave the meaning of my life, he had the vision of my future and I chose to dedicate my life for that. Wherever I go, I do my best to bring the light and to lead people to reach the place safely. It has been sixteen years my dad passed away. I wish I could turn the clock back and I had a chance to talk again with him. I would like to say,” Dad, hopefully I have become a lighthouse as your wish”. I wish I could hear my dad said, “Yes, you did a right thing in life”

True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate his life, through devotion, to something beyond himself.
Henry Miller
**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta, December 4, 2011, at 10.49PM

The influence of Bollywood and Disney

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.
Albert Einstein

One day I went to funeral house with my husband. It was unusual situation for me, because the room was decorated with purple color, in the corner of the room there was a band with four vocalists singing love song. It gave me an impression about saying goodbye with love to someone, that was a great idea and the songs actually make people facing the sadness with an easy feeling.
It brought some idea for me about my funeral one day. I rushed to my husband and children. I said, “This is my will, when I die, please cremate me without the coffin, just put me on the top of the wood logs and just like Indian movie … it looks simple and easy” My husband and my children dropped their jaws. Especially my husband, he said,” Lina, it sounds so easy for you because you don’t know anything at that moment. We can not do it for you. Please consider your Bollywood cremation style. I think you watch too much Bollywood movie”
It was probably true; I have Bollywood influence in my life. Yep… it was because I grown up with Bollywood movie. The Bollywood movies were the cheapest and longest entertainment for my mom when I was a little kid. Each movie would take at least almost three hours. My mom would enjoy her three hours sitting and enjoying the movie without thinking about her routine activities to serve her six children. I always accompanied her to the cinema and I enjoyed each dancing and singing in Bollywood movie. The strongest influence in my life was I like to dance.
My husband didn’t agree with my Bollywood cremation style… so I changed a bit. I said, “Okay if you all can not accept the Bollywood concept… How about during my funeral you have to play all Disney songs for me” This is my children’s turn, they said, “Mom, we know that you love Disney so much… Mickey, Goofy are always your friends… but please consider what people will call us... the insane children, they will ask this is funeral or Disney performance” I smiled and said,” At least you can name it Disney on Funeral… it sounds like the Disney on Ice show. “I laugh out loud.
I always love Disney… no matter my hair is not longer black… I don’t really care… I enjoy being in Disney world. I would dance and sing in Disney Park. That is probably too much influence of Disney in my life.
Actually when I die, I just want people around me, remembering me as a simple person. I came to this world without bringing anything, so I want to return back in the same way. It doesn’t matter when I die… it is really matter when I live… I can share the best of me for my family and people around me. I want my children to let me go when the time comes and they remember the happiness moments that they have spent with me in their life.
I didn’t talk again about Disney and Bollywood… but I always remind my children and my husband… Let’s build the memories in our life… Let’s enjoy the present of each other in life.

Truth is a deep kindness that teaches us to be content in our everyday life and share with the people the same happiness.
Khalil Gibran

**Lina Kartasasmita** 29 October 2011, at 4.44PM

“You are in my heart”

Wednesday is always my full day of teaching, but I can not help myself that I love to teach. It was Wednesday evening and I just jumped into my car. I barely hear music in the car, cause I was busy checking my emails and SMS. I got SMS from my brother who asked me to visit one of his friends to share and to give motivation.
All of sudden my phone rang. I heard the old man voice, “Hallo Lina, Do you remember me?” I just answered,” Of course I remember you sir, we met at my parent’s house” His voice was so light and happy, “ O… you remember me, I am so happy to meet you and we had a chance to talk. Finally in my life I met someone like you. I am so happy and you are in my heart…. “The conversation was on and on for almost an hour.

I met him on Sunday, when I was about to leave my parent’s house. A 76 years old man came to the house; he was looking for his long lost friend. He is my parent’s friend. My husband told me that he was a history teacher for 35 years. He has a very keen memory about the history. When I introduced myself to him and he asked me many questions about my own experiences as teacher. I offered him a ride to go home. In the car, he asked me about Confucius concept. I said,” Confucius is the master of ethic” we involved in sharing knowledge. It was actually a very short trip. He was so happy and kept saying he was lucky to meet me. He asked my phone number and he promised to call me. I thought it probably would not happen.

My husband was a bit upset because we couldn’t go to the book store to buy a present as we planed before. I was so tired on that day. We returned home and never talked about that day again.

I was surprised when he did call me just two days after we met. He said,” Unfortunately I have to go back to Nederland; I still want you to share all your knowledge and stories. I hope I have another chance to meet you again. But I am so happy to find you and to meet you in my life” What ever he said about me, it made my day!

I reached home and I shared with my husband about that phone call. My husband said, “We didn’t go to the book shop but you made someone very happy and he will remember you in his heart. That is wonderful result” I didn’t do something special actually, I just shared a simple knowledge and simple stories with that old man. He probably has been looking for someone who could understand his need and he found it.

I just always remember my dad advice, you don’t have to be rich to give, and you can give your smile… as simple as it is.


Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
Mark Twain

**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta, 27 October 2011, at 10.19 PM

My bucket list

A couple years ago I watched “The Bucket list” movie, the story about two men who did their bucket list before they died. They wrote down what they really wanted to do in their life before they died. That story inspired me to write down my own bucket list. Honestly I forgot where my list is now. It is probably somewhere in my drawer, it is hard for me to memorize it but at least I can always rewrite again and again before I die.
The Bucket list movie came across my mind again when Bhavna asked the question at the end of Toastmaster meeting, “What is in the top of your bucket list?” At that moment I didn’t have time to open my rusty brain to recall my bucket list. So I answered the question spontaneously. The answer was, “I want to give a speech” Bhavna gave comment, “You can always give speeches” Yes it was probably not a special thing to do for a bucket list. I just remember when I was in the emergency room; I was in pain and suffer. My daughter told me,” Mom you can not be hospitalized today, you need to give a speech on my graduation day. Have you prepared your speech?” That statement suddenly burned my spirit; I started to tell my daughters what my speech would be. The spirit pumped blood into my brain and I just forgot my pain. My daughters started to say, “Wow mom, you are getting better because you have to give a speech”
The doctor let me go home on that day; I requested my daughters “If one day I am in the hospital again, please tell me that I need to give a speech. I believe it will heal me soon” We laughed out loud at that moment.
It was really true in my life, I want to give a speech, not only before I die, but in my daily life. I just want to make sure that in my life I have passed the blessings in my life. I want to touch people’s heart and life through my writings and speeches. I want to tell people, it has been years and years for me to learn how to accept these:
I made thousand mistakes in my life, people might forget about it, but I still kept in my minds, I couldn’t accept my weakness and my mistakes in my life. I kept thinking my life would be perfect without doing those mistakes in the past. No body perfect in this world, I just need to accept myself. It took me many years to realize I am not living in the past anymore.
I found in my life I bumped into people who liked to blame me just because I was younger and inexperienced or took my credits for what I have done. I kept asking myself “Why they did that to me? … I deserved to get my credits, that was my creation, my idea” I bind my wound by putting the good seed in my mind, “ People can take my credits or they can always blame me but they can not really have what I have” They can only steal my credit but the ability is still in my mind. I don’t have to be angry but probably I just need feel sorry for them.
It took me almost 15 years to practice how to “let it go…” Letting go many things in life, I can enjoy every moment in the present. I practiced not to live in the past and not to chase the future. Life is simple and short. I just want to pass my life with meaningful.
It is never easy for me to do it with daily basis; it takes encouragement and motivation all the time. By sharing with others, I can always remind and encourage myself to keep practicing and moving forward.

If I have to answer again about my bucket list, I probably will have the same answer.

“When we are mindful, deeply in touch with the present moment, our understanding of what is going on deepens, and we begin to be filled with acceptance, joy, peace and love.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh


**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta, October 8, 2011, at 6.53PM

Where have I been?

It was a short Easter holiday; we were at Universal studio in Singapore. I was sitting when my husband took a picture, I was curious to see. I looked tired in that picture and I saw my wrinkles around my eyes. I looked around I saw my daughter, she is growing up now. I can not hold her with my both hand anymore, she is taller than me. I remember so clearly when the first time she went to Singapore she was six months old, so small and she was always in my embrace. Now she is going to be 18 years. The questions came into my mind, where have I been? Do I suddenly become old? The answer was in my mind. I was in that process but I passed it without my awareness. I was busy with daily life routine. From time to time, I didn't realize about myself, I was busy with my babies and served my family. Now I looked into myself I couldn't recognize myself. Sometimes I do hope to have time for myself, but my minds always drag me into my family. This is the reality we live as if we chase after tomorrow and we try to forget yesterday, but we pass the present without awareness then we miss the present. We are not belongs to this moment. The lesson is so simple and clear that we should aware of this moment at the present time. We know exactly what we have been through. Time goes by and we just suddenly feel so old. I gave myself an advice, I should practice to be more aware of the present and to enjoy every moment which I have in life. Do not dwell in the past; do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. Buddha Finished in College Station, Texas on August 22, 2011 at 2.30 pm **Lina Kartasasmita**

“God loves them more”

In College Station-Texas, it was a very hot day; my body refused to go outside. I stayed in the apartment. My daughters were busy with their laptop and I just watched them silently. Suddenly I was so sad; I only had a few days to stay there. I remembered my friend wrote to me, “Lina, this year you will have a total empty nest; both of your daughters will study abroad” That statement was just a reminder for me. The most important for me “how I have to face the total empty nest” I am just a human; I have worries in my minds as other people have. It has been many times I asked myself, “Are my babies okay there; do they eat right; do they sleep well… can they solve their problem? What should I do if they have problem while I am miles away from them?” Thousands of questions come from my worries. I knew that we could set our mind to be positive or negative. And it was our privilege to choose. I learnt that worries came into our mind because we allowed them to come into our mind and we let them to control our mind. I didn’t want worries control my mind, so I decided to set my mind. It was time for me to think about the truth which could help me to build a strong mind. I claimed “I love my children so much, but what I can give to them is limited. I can not be with them all the time. Only God can give them everything in this world, because God has unlimited power and love” Wonderful statement came into my mind, and I posted in my Facebook status. Question: How will you set your mind when your children miles away from you? Answer: 1. I love them but God loves them more 2. I can take care of them but God takes care of them more than I do 3. I see their dreams are bigger than themselves. This statement will be my strong reminder when worries try to break into my mind. I know I am just a human and worries are common thing in life. I just want to learn that I will not allow worries to be the master of my mind. As Mohandas Gandhi said; There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever. Mohandas Gandhi **Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta September 6, 2011 at 3.35 PM

A message from the island of Gods

Happiness can exist only in acceptance.
George Orwell

It has been 10 years ago, my last trip to the island of Gods, Bali. I couldn’t recall what happened during that time clearly but I could recall my first trip to Bali when I was five years old. I remembered when I played at the beach with my brother; I knew all stories about Tampak Siring and all the legend of temples in Bali. I fallen in love with Balinese dances and that was inspired me to let my daughters to learn Balinese dance since they were at the age of five. It seemed Bali has changed a lot during the past 10 years. I was amazed to see something that probably never changed in Balinese people’s life. They still love to pray, they still dedicate eighty percent of their time for praying and giving offerings to their Gods. They believe in karma and it leads their life from generation to generation. They accept good thing and bad thing as part of their karma.

It was a very simple message from the island of Gods. Life is more peaceful when we can accept what happens in our life because there is a reason, either we believe it is part of our Karma or God’s plan; it doesn’t matter as long as we can accept it easily.

In our life, it was so hard to accept our condition, because we think we don’t deserve bad thing happens in our life. Or we think bad condition as a curse or punishment from God. I think it is because the common concept that good life equals to good health, good fortune and prosperity. It is so difficult to just accept the condition that it is probably our Karma or God’s plan for our life. If we can easily accept everything is part of our life, we don’t need to envy other people fortune or even their misfortune in life. We can enjoy every situation as part of our blessing.

A young man said to me, “Life is a choice and life is hard” yes that is true. Life is a choice; we can choose to accept everything in a simple way.

Be willing to have it so. Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.
William James

**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta, 6 August 2011, at 7.34 PM

My Relationship with God

A simple grateful thought turned heavenwards is the most perfect prayer.
Doris Lessing


It was lunch time, I was about to put a spoon of spaghetti into my mouth, when I heard my friend asked me, “Lina have you prayed before eating?” I was almost choked. I said,” Yes I did” then the other question came, “When? I didn’t see you closed your eyes and prayed”
I only can quote from Malcolm Boyd “By my definition, prayer is consciously hanging out with God. Being with God in a deliberate way. “
It is rare for me to put myself in a right prayer position which people used to do. I have my own way to express my love and my gratitude toward God.

I am so sorry if I never kneel down on my knee to pray. It might irritate some people around me, as they know I am a Christian. They rarely see me praying in a right position which is standardized by believers. I am a very simple person and I have a very simple understanding about a relationship with God. I believe every breath I take; it is a prayer to God. I don’t need to close my eyes to see God, because God is in the eyes of my heart. I don’t have to take special time to talk with God, because I can do it anytime, any minutes and any seconds in my mind. There is no limitation in my mind to reach God.
I can see His love and His blessings in every single thing in my life. I can see His blessing in my spaghetti or my simple snacks. I can feel God’s appearance in many ways.
This is the way I express myself to God. I believe that God have a great acceptance which I hope everybody can see it through Him. Here I am. I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I know people will mislead with my point of view but I just know the relationship between human and God is a private matter.


An authentic life is the most personal form of worship. Everyday life has become my prayer.
Sarah Ban Breathnach


**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta, August 5, 2011 at 9.30 PM

The Empty Nest

I came back home early today and I saw my mom was busy taking care of her new kitchen renovation. I asked my mom whether she wanted to have lunch with me and she agreed, so I cooked for her and we enjoyed lunch together. During lunch she used to tell me all celebrities gossip or today news which she knew from the television. Sometimes I am too lazy to give any comment and I try so hard to connect with her topic on that day.
My house is side by side with my mom’s house and there is a connecting door in between. I went to my house and I turned my TV on and I was looking for my favorite TV serial, my daughter was still at school taking her exam. Suddenly the house was so empty for me. Do I really ready for the empty nest?

At that moment, I put myself on my mom’s shoes. Now, I understood how her feeling was; many times she has to be alone at home from morning to night and no one at home whom she could talk to. I will be as old as my mom one day, how come I can not bear with her topic sometimes. She just needs someone to talk to.

The journey of life is probably just like that. We come to this world alone and we will end up alone as well. The flashback memories came into my mind, I saw my mom when she was young she never stopped to serve the family, she has six children and some relative who stayed in our house. She woke up in the morning, she started her day with cooking, preparing the children to go to school and cleaning the house and that was her routine. She didn’t have time for herself. There was a time when her children grown up and left the house, then my dad passed away. She was shocked but she continued her life with a great spirit. She dedicated herself to look after her grandchildren. And there was at time when her grandchildren go to study abroad or outside the city. It seems she is always ready to see emptiness in her life.

Once my mom said to me,” I just want to hear my children, my grandchildren are healthy and in a good condition and I pray for them all the time” It was hard for her because many times none of the children called her and talked with her. I am the only one she has to be around her and I become the witness of her loneliness.

My mom doesn’t need to cook for many people right now, but she still serves the family. She always wakes up early in the morning and she will pray for her children, her grandchildren and her great grand children. She does every morning with love; she keeps serving the family by praying. I learn a lot from her, “To love is to serve”, and she doesn’t expect something in return.

In a couple months, I will have an empty nest. My youngest baby will go miles away from me. Will I be as strong as my mom? When no babies at home, no body to talk to …
I know it will never be easy for me. Through this notes I just want to share to my lovely daughters … I will walk on the same path that my mom did and one day both of my daughters will also be in the same phases of life. Now I understood better to my mom’s needs, I will do my best not to ignore her when she talks to me the same topic or gossips. I just know that simple call, simple note, simple conversation will add more spirit to my mom’s day. And this will be always my prayer “God, help me to be a better daughter for my mom and help me to be a better mom and a strong mom for my two lovely daughters”

I hope my daughters will keep this in their minds that I just want to hear both of my daughters are in good health and good condition where ever they are.

There is a real opportunity right now as parents and grandparents to come up with a plan that leaves our kids with something better than we have; that is, an opportunity to own, build, and grow a nest egg of their own.
Norm Coleman

**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta, May 14, 2011 at 11.06 AM

“In giving and sharing”

The fact that I can plant a seed and it becomes a flower, share a bit of knowledge and it becomes another's, smile at someone and receive a smile in return, are to me continual spiritual exercises.
Leo Buscaglia


At the first time I met her, I knew that she has a wonderful personality. She has Javanese face and a very long hair. She used to work with me. The more I knew her, the more I like her simplicity in her life. When she became part of my management team, I had to mentor her to be the leader. She was worried because she was so young and inexperienced. I said,” Experience is about time. At the time you learn and walk through that phases and then you have the experiences. I started my journey from no body to be somebody. Don't make people underestimate you because of your age"
Starting that day I spent most of my time with her just only talking about philosophy of life. We discussed from the wisdom of Tao Te Ching, Confucius, Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim and Christianity. Once she asked me, "Ibu, what is the relation between the wisdom and leadership?" My answer probably was not too simple to understand, “All of this wisdom will teach you how to understand life and when you apply it in your life, you can lead by example of your own life. If you are a leader you have to remember leader means serving people, you have to be humble to be a leader. You will lead people from different background, all the wisdom has universal rules which you can apply in everyday life. You will learn how to accept and to tolerate in leadership. Leader is only a title; you don't need the title once you know how to be a leader. Leader should share and has ability to put himself or herself in other people's shoes, to lead people we have to be able to bring their best out of them. Make them following you not because of your position but make them following you because you are a good person." She listened to my explanation and she told me that she would remember that. It was my routine activities with her discuss about wisdom.
I saw her growing with a great understanding of wisdom and she applied in her life, I saw others staffs respected her as my wish. It was a time I have to go. She was so sad; she really appreciated what I have shared with her. She said she would never forget that. I said “Don’t mention it. In my life I just want to pass it on my blessing and I hope you will do the same to others “It is my happiness in life to see someone can bring their best out of them.

I believe …
“In sharing; Share your wisdom, it will make you wiser
In giving; Give yourself, it will never make you poor”

A couple days ago, one of my students posted on my Facebook wall Lina, “I truly enjoyed today's class. You have made profound changes in my life. And the wisdom and value that you have added to my life is Priceless! You are a great friend and I thank you immensely for what you have done to me!” He reminded me about all my experiences with all my staffs and my students. I hope they will pass it on whatever I have shared with them. All of that experiences are enriched my life. I called that is a value of my life.


Once we try to help people we actually help ourselves to grow, to learn and to be a better person.

Happiness... consists in giving, and in serving others.
Henry Drummond

**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta, 12 May 2011 at 5.25 PM

Be there and fix the problem

It was Sunday morning and I was in the car with my husband on the way to visit our parents. I got a SMS, “Lina do you have time to talk? I need your help” It was not a 911 phone call of course, but I thought I had to give my time for my friend. I replied the SMS, “Sure you can call me now”
On the other line, I heard my friend’s voice. He asked me about the school information. I gave him the information which I knew. He asked my opinion about sending his child to boarding school. I thought it should be a reason for that. The reasons were common things, the child had problem at school, the child needed to learn about responsibility, discipline and as parents they thought the best way to let other people teaching their child. I probably wear different glasses about parenting in common. I challenged my friend to think over again his decision about sending his child to a boarding school. We ended up with hours of discussion.
The discussion was about what parents have to do if their children have problem at school, discipline and responsibility. I heard many times some parents would rather send their children to boarding school and they expect their children will learn while they are far away from parents. My opinion on that case, I never agree to solve the problem by sending the children far away from home. Parents need to fix the problem first and need to find out what the root of the problem is. Sending the children without fixing the problem, it is just like avoiding the problem or running away from the real problem.
During the discussion we tried to find out the root of the problem. My friend and his wife are business people, they are busy to build the business for their family but they forgot their precious asset in their life is their children. At that time, my friend’s son said to me,” It was so frustrated when my dad said he couldn’t help me with my problem” I saw that boy wanted to make his dad proud of him, but his dad only focused on his weakness and mistake. I could imagine his feeling. That was probably the real problem.
I started to give my friend an illustration about his son’s problem. I suggested him to give his son a trust and hope in the same time. He needed to encourage his son to fix the problem together and he is willing to help in many ways. This is just like in business, where my friend needs to trust people who buy stuffs from him on Credit basis. If he can trust the buyers who come to him from nowhere how about giving the same trust to his son, whom he knows him very well. If he can see every credit transaction will give him a profit, so that is the same way he has to deal with his own son. I asked my friend, “Did you ever experience your customer cheats on you?” He said,” Yep some of them” I continued that even though he has been cheated by his customers but he kept his business, because he knew there were profits. Sometimes children make us upset as parents but don’t give up with them; we have to keep giving them the trust until we see the profits.
I also share another story with him. Have you ever seen the children like to come to their parents when they broke their toys? Or small kids like to drop their toys and they will be happy when we pick the toys up for them, then they will drop it again and again and they enjoy the time.
Deeply see into this simple action, children will come to their parents because they know they can not fix their problem by themselves and they know their parents can help them to fix it. Children like to play dropping and picking up toys with their parents because they know their parents will always ready to help picking up their toys again. Children grow by learning to trust their parents. Children learn that parents are the first person who will help them. While they were toddler, we were happy to help them and played with them. We fixed their toys and we picked up their toys again and again and we enjoyed their game. Now where are we when they make mistake in their life as teenagers?
When the children mess up their life, when the children make mistakes, when they fail in their life… Are we there for them? Are we the same parents who like to sit down and to fix the toys? Are we the same parents whom the children know?
I said to my friend,” Be a better parent for your children. Be there and fix their mistake together. They will be better children for you. Spend your time with them” My friend’s wife said, “I am busy Lina, I have to help in the office” I said,” You can hire three accountants to take care of your work, but no one can replace you as a mom for your children. As parents we need to build our children character. Now only time and your love will fix the problem”
As it is written by Elle Macpherson
“Anyway, I believe you don't fix the inside by putting something on the outside”

I also believe the same thing; we can not cover our children problems by sending them away. We need to work in their mind and heart. I can give that suggestion to my friend not because I am better than them, but I just want to pass the blessing that I have in life. I have spent my time with my daughters and I would never change those experiences with anything else in the world. Children will learn from their parents how to solve their problem and they will carry on our style of parenting to their next generation. That is the most important for us as parents that we should lead our children by good example.
After months I got good news from my friend, he fixed the problem with his son and he is happy now. I am happy for him too. I know they can be good parents for their children. They just need to open their heart and mind, that money can not buy their children’s heart and love. I am blessed to have the opportunity to share with my friends and I hope I can keep passing my blessing.

Recommend to your children virtue; that alone can make them happy, not gold.
Ludwig van Beethoven

**Lina Kartasasmita**
17 February 2011 at 10.39 AM

The Frank Sinatra’s style: “MY WAY”

My husband loves to send me an article; he wants to make sure that at least I know something. On that day I got email from him and there was only one short sentence and the link. He wrote " ... Interesting, we don't really practice the Chinese Mothers’ style then …” I was curious about the article and I started to read the article. The article is about the Chinese mom parenting style compare to the western mom.
According to the article, Chinese mom will not allow their kids to sleep over or party, joining the play at school, no computer game. The kids have to learn music, should be “A” student. It is probably right in general. I think I can describe the Chinese kids should be called as triple E, Excellent, Extra ordinary and maybe end up as Engineering.
Considered I am a Chinese decent, and the statement from my husband that we are not doing as a Chinese mom. I replied his email. "Yes ... I am not following a Chinese mom’s style or western mom’s style, as I like Frank Sinatra song My way ... I like to say I am Frank Sinatra mom’s style ... I did it my way."
I have to thanks my mom and dad who raised me with a great love. My parents focused on my responsibility more than my grades at school. They said,” You can always improve yourself"; it became my motto at school "next time should be better". Every time I didn't make a good grade, I told myself,” I can improve ... Next time should be better than today" I remember my dad never asked me to be “A” student; he always gave awards at the end of school year. Instead of being angry when I had a bad grade, he preferred to buy me more books. My parents always trusted me at school and I think that experience make me always love to learn, because I always know that I can improve myself through the learning process. My dad ever said to me, “I never went to school as you do right now. I don’t know how good I am if I am in your shoes. You can go to school it means you are better than me, you just need to use this opportunity that no body always has.” My dad was an autodidact person, once he knew the alphabets he learned to read all books. Knowledge is the best treasure for my dad and my mom. Knowledge is the light for the mind and soul. Based on that I didn’t want to make my dad upset with me. I took all the responsibilities and the learning process to make myself as a better person.

I shared this to my husband, in my parenting style I look at how my children take their responsibility in their life more than the result itself. I think that is the strong and great foundation for my children. I want them to enjoy the learning process in school and in life as well. Yes indeed my children don't have computer game, because I think life is a big game field. They needed to learn piano as part of practicing their concentration and coordination. One day they wanted to quit piano and I said yes for them. The purpose of learning music is only to make them learn how to practice concentration and to use music to release their emotions. I love to see them in any play at school to build their self esteem and they were really enjoying it.

I told my children that I am not a perfect mom, but I will always try to be the better mom for them. I have no experience to be a mom. One big lesson that I learnt in my life I am raising a human, a person that totally different than me. I should put love and appreciation in the right place and time. They need to know they are special and unique children. If no body is perfect, and we are also not a perfect person, why we have to ask our children to be a perfect person according to our standard. I think that is unfair situation for the children.

I always think I don’t want to judge my children with their grade at school, because it didn’t represent my children at all. I told my children, they are better than me, if I were in their shoes; I probably could not achieve their standard too. I just want them to use their maximum abilities in life. As the result they always do their best and they make me as a very proud mom.

There is never a perfect style of parenting in this world. No perfect formula to be a good mom, because each child is unique and special. Children are different and they need different way of parenting. The only thing for sure if you are parents at least you know

1. Children spell “LOVE” as “TIME”; share your time if you love them

2. A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. ~Washington Irving

3. Stop trying to perfect your child, but keep trying to perfect your relationship with him. -Henker

One day, I was happy when my daughter wrote an essay; “I am a spoil child, not because I have everything that I want, but because my mom always showers me with love” I am right… My parenting style is a Frank Sinatra’s style “My Way”


Jakarta, 30 January 2011
**Lina Kartasasmita** at 10.44PM