Life episode: Say clearly

Martin Luther said, “You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say”

When I read this quotation I cannot agree more. One day I had a chance to hear a story about some unhappy marriages. Most of them started their stories from a very small thing in their life. It was so true when my friends said, “We like to collect small problem everyday and at the end we do have a big problem”

We could imagine if it has been years … and years. It becomes a huge problem. And no one could handle it anymore.

Once I asked, “Have you ever say to your spouse about what you want … what you wish to have in life… what is your value of life?”

Most of the answers were, “It just wasted our time. Our husband would not listen and they didn’t care. Silent is golden. We were tired to argue … and argue and nothing changed”

I used to be like that. At certain stage of my marriage life, I decided I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t want to talk or to discuss about the problem. It was not a good choice in marriage life. Communication is important in any relationship. And I just tried to say clearly. The result didn’t come as expected but it was okay.

I think we all have the right to say clearly the value of our life and let other to respect it.

I quoted from the book “A happy married life A Buddhist Perspective” by Ven. Dr. K.  Sri Dhammananda

“A good marriage should grow and develop gradually from understanding and not impulse, from true loyalty and not just sheer indulgence. A marriage is a partnership of equality, gentleness, generosity, calm and dedication. Each is complementary to the other; giving strength and moral courage to each other; supporting and appreciating the other in caring and providing for the family.”

If we have the responsibility for what we say and also for what we don’t say; why don’t we say clearly about the value of our life to our spouse.

As Epictetus said, “ First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do”

Happiness in marriage could be reached if we do what we have to do.

**Lina Kartasasmita**Jakarta, May 11, 2013 at 11.04PM 

Life episode: Banana

Intellectual property has the shelf life of a banana.

Bill Gates

This is a story I always share with my students. I called it banana episode.

It was a long journey from Houston – Texas to Orlando- Florida; we wanted to visit one of my favorite places on earth Disney World. We always enjoyed our journey in my big car from one city to another city. Each trip always had at least one story to share.

My husband and my daughters started their conversation with random topic. At one moment to topic was about English language. They talked that I mispronounced some words but I was so sure about the pronunciation. They laughed about my mistakes. Definitely I couldn’t compare their English with mine. My husband studied in America for his bachelor and master degree. My daughters had the opportunity to study in junior high school in America.

If I thought that was a humiliation, I might not want to speak English anymore. Since I thought I was fine with my stupidity and I always had time to improve my skills I didn’t mind at all.

I told them, “Please teach me how to pronounce the word”

My daughter picked the word, “Banana”

I started to pronounce, “Ba… na …na.ba…na…na… ba…na…na”

After three days I practiced everyday in the car, my daughters were exhausted to hear me. They asked me to stop, “Mom, it is okay. You need to stop practicing”

Unfortunately my eagerness to study wakened and they couldn’t easily stop it. I kept continuing practicing for a week. 

AHA… after a week my daughters really wanted me to stop because their ears full with banana words. It was a time for me to laugh.

People might laugh at us because we couldn’t do what they expected us to do or if we failed. Just take it easy! Don’t let everyone stop you from learning.

I just remembered that Pablo Picasso said, “ I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.”

In my life I started to learn more when I could laugh about myself. It was a great lesson for my daughters, at least they saw “the older we started learning the harder we could get it”

They were so happy when I stopped pronouncing “banana” once I met Mickey and friends at Disney World.

**Lina Kartasasmita**Jakarta, 11 May 2013, at 7.43PM

Life episode: 1001 Stories-The Arabian Nights

“Auntie, please tell me a story before I sleep” that little boy asked me many years ago. I remembered that at the end of the story he would ask me again, “One more story please” Today he sat in front of me with his family during lunchtime and he told his wife, “Look auntie has more gray hairs now” Sigh … time flies so fast.

 I just love stories. Especially 1001 nights or The Arabian nights, I grown up with stories and I learnt more moral and attitudes from them. Back to my childhood, my mother told stories every night. At the age I could read, my father bought me stories books. Life was full of stories. Now I see each of our life has it own story. My father said to me, “Listen and look all people’s stories around you, you will learn more from them and you don’t have to pass the same path if you know they made mistake in their life… Their stories will save your life. They help you to make a short cut to find your happiness”

 It was a simple and true lesson in life. If you could stop and look around, you can see each of us has own story of life.

 If you ever hear or read about the 1001 nights stories or famous as The Arabian Nights, it consists of tales, poem, love, tragedy, comedy and historical stories. It is started with the story about the king who found unfaithful women in his life and then he decided women were the same. For the sake of his grief he began to marry virgins only to execute the next morning. Until a girl came to be his bride and she started to tell a story every night, she successfully built the king’s curiosity to know the end of the story. And the king had to wait another day. The story had saved the girl’s life. She could continue telling 1001 stories; as the result the king changed his mind about the women.

 The same thing in life if we can build our curiosity about our story, it can build the motivation to know … what is the next story, it can be a happy story, funny story or even a sad story. We can learn from one story to another story to save our life from making mistakes in life and to build a way to happiness. Maybe we need more than 1001 nights to change our mind about life. Life is day by day, we can have one story a day … and change our life. Melody Beattie said, “Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people's souls.” I wish I had more than 1001 stories in my life to share with you.

 **Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta, May 5, 2013 at 6.53PM