The bridge, the dream and the will

Brian Tracy said, “Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, “What is in it for me?”

Every time I hear the word “bridge”, my mind will go to a red long bridge famous as “The Golden Gate” in San Francisco California. I had heard it many times since I was a little girl. Not only is the bridge famous, but also it related to my father’s dreams.

A bridge for my father was part of his dreams;

First he always wanted to build a bridge. And his explanation was “I always look for opportunity to help other and I believe the universe will help me. I want to build the bridge to help people crossing the river, to make them easier to reach the other place”.  

We lived in the area where there are a big traditional market and a river in front. I remember one day my father took me to see a small bridge that he built. “Look, big or small, long or short, a bridge is a bridge. It helps us to cross the river easily”

Until now the small bridge is still there, it doesn’t look the same as I remember but it is still helping people who pass by.

My father’s second dream was to visit “The Golden Gate” he did; he went there many times during his life.

And his last dream was his last will. He asked me to spread his ashes after he died under The Golden Gate Bridge. He passed away in 1995 and I unfortunately couldn’t fulfill his will at that moment.

Every time I see the bridge, I remember the lesson from my father “Be the bridge, it doesn’t matter if you are just only a small bridge or as big as the Golden Gate Bridge, you can always be there to help”.

**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta, December 4, 2013 at 6.23PM

Please keep doing it

It was June 1, 2011 Graduation day of class 2011 where I was there for my youngest daughter. The room was full with parents and teachers. My husband and I got a chance to give speech to represent parents.

The ceremony started with all students came into the room; they looked so beautiful and handsome with national dress “Kebaya” and “Batik”. 

The ceremony began with the national anthem and some other things. Then they introduced us. I hold my husband’s hand and we walked to the stage to deliver the speech.  I wrote the speech in English and Indonesian language. My husband read the English version and I did in Indonesian language  

Standing on the stage, I remembered my wish in 2010 on graduation day for my eldest daughter.  I wished I could give a speech in front of my daughters. And a year later, my wish came true.  First lesson on that day for me was “I should always be positive and wish a good thing happen in my life”

The day became more special actually because when they gave an award. The awards named after a teacher “Virna Tumengkol award”.

“This award is therefore presented annually to a student who demonstrates clear servant leadership expressed through: Love Joy Peace Patience Kindness Goodness Faithfulness Gentleness Self-Control (Galatians 5: 22-23) “

They called my daughter name, “Devita Gunawan”.  With teary eyes, I said to my husband, "I know she will get it, she deserves to get it" 

This was a second lesson on that day.

In a mother's heart, I believe the best award for a mother is when she knows she has already raised good children.

Third lesson on that day was after the graduation, we had time to meet other parents and teachers. Some of the teachers and school staffs came to me and congratulated me. Some of them gave comments about my daughters, "You have two amazing daughters, both are really special" It reminded me back in 2009 when some of their teachers said to me, "Thank you for sharing your wonderful children with us"

As parents I will always be proud, to know my children got several academic awards. However the happiness and proudness is even more when people recognize their kindness.

Their character is more important than grades in their school report.

This note has been in my computer for almost two years. Today I really want to finish this note for my youngest daughter. She shared that her professor said to her, "If you can do good thing to help other people, it will be the great present for me"

I said to her, "You have done it. You just need to keep doing it"

I believe both of my daughters know..." being smart is one thing, being a good person is everything”

Thank you girls, mommy loves you!

**Lina Kartasasmita** at 7.32PM October 4, 2013 

A thousand miles in summer 2013

“ The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step” Lao Tzu

The journey of being a mother, it started since the baby was in the mother’s womb.  And I am blessed to have the opportunity to be a mother.  I have two lovely daughters who actually bring me to a journey for a thousand miles.

It was summer time in 2013; arrived at Charles de Gaulle- Paris airport around 8 PM, Devina and I were a little bit tired. The weather wasn’t like summer; it was so cold and gloomy. We went directly to the hotel. The hotel was very small in the middle of Paris. Three days in Paris, we planed to visit some famous landmarks.

The journey was not for holiday actually, the purpose was to accompany my daughter to her summer program in Pau- France.  Some of my friends asked me, “ Your daughter is 21 years already. Why you have to accompany her? You just make an excuse to visit Paris” I visited Paris with my mother 23 years ago and I think Paris didn’t change as much as my daughters. Children grow so fast and they change in many ways. I just don’t want to miss it. Definitely there will be a time when I could not be with them. What money can buy in this world? Money can buy the watch but not "time". I prefer to spend the money to build memories with my children.

When we walked together under the rain in Paris from one place to another place, I hold my daughter’s hand. It brought me to a memory when she was about one year old. She would grab my hand before she tried to walk. Now I am the one who grabbed her hand to walk with her. With the background “Eifel tower” I could see how tall she is now… how beautiful her smile. Each step that I walked with her was counted. Walking under the rain with a broken umbrella, we felt the cold.  And the pasta we ate or a cup of coffee that we drank together.  We collected those memories and we recalled our memories back one by one, as the steps we took.

A thousand miles … is a thousand memories for me.

The journey continued to a small city Pau, it is beautiful. I spent time walking in the morning with my daughter to her school and returned back to the apartment hotel. It was so true; she is a young lady now. I watched when she walked alone. My heart told me, “Look, your baby is walking by herself to reach her dream …” Time was so precious just to look what we have passed in life. Sometimes we don’t have time to admire or enjoy the present at that moment.  The time seemed to slow down in Pau; it gave me more time to do the reflection of bringing up my daughters.

Out of sudden I got the text, “Lina, why don’t you shop in France, buy the famous designer bag there” It hit my head. Yes I saw many people got out from the famous boutique and with a wide smile in their face they brought their new treasure in their hand.  They were happy, I thought, but the happiness will last as soon as the new design comes out. Did I want a short happiness like that ?

I am just a simple person, for sure my hand could hold the designer handbag and I could proudly walk around.  However the proud is only   for the price and the designer brand.  What I wanted in my life, was simple, I wanted to walk many thousand miles more with my daughters… I wish I could spend the money for holding their hands and I could enjoy witnessing their beautiful heart in their life.

I might forget what my dad had bought for me in my life, for sure I never forget that I walked with him in the cities we visited and those memories are so real in my life. All always repeat every time I visit the places. The memories and his wisdom are still alive in me.

I will walk a thousand miles more … and more… with my daughters ...until I cannot walk anymore.

**Lina Kartasasmita** at 3.57 PM October 3, 2013

Young, Famous and RIch

Note: This is my speech for Humorous speech contest in Kebayoran Toastmaster club on August 27, 2013. I won the second place. I didn't present exactly like I wrote. You have to be there to see when I am in action. (Thank you for reading)

What do you want to be? It was a question that I asked to my high school students. Half of them said, “I want to be famous” and half of them said, “I want to be rich” And the rest said, “ I want to be Young, Famous and Rich”

Ladies and Gentlemen: honorable judges, madam contest chair,

What the great combination is "to be Young, Famous and Rich"

 Who doesn't want it?

It was also my dream.

To be famous is the first step before being rich. And I looked for the easiest job to be famous….

Aha… How about to be the model, the job looked so easy, we just need to walk … one… two… three… and posed…one… two… three… and posed. I had all they needed to be the model…. Look at me….

Wait a minute!  I forgot so many things about being the model. Model is not about posing and walking elegantly but there is some other requirement

Model should be at least 5 feet 6 inches tall. They asked me, “How tall are you” I said, “I am exactly 5 feet” 

They said, “Please come back when you grow up a little bit taller”

I think I stop growing taller… it is impossible to be a model.

Next the model should be skinny. I think what they mean about Skinny is “SKIN ONLY” … While I had too many meat under my skin.

O… I found the truth about model, the skinnier your body the better you will be. If you don’t believe me, model just like a hanger.  After my speech you can go to the mall and see the designer dresses, all looked good on the hanger but when you wear it, it might be to tight and it will expose your “BODY FAT deposit" here and there.

Unfortunately!  I loved my fat deposit I cannot be the model and also I couldn't be a good hanger for the designer dress.

Additional consideration for me to be a model is "Model has to watch what they eat. Even though they have money … maybe they could only eat granola bar!!" I decide not “To be Famous for the skin only”.

Forget about being famous. Now I chased to be YOUNG …

I thought to be the comedian, because comedian was always happy and entertain people all the time.  So they could be forever young.  And being a comedian they don’t need body shape requirement. We can be fat only, skin only, short or tall. It doesn't matter

As long as they could handle humiliation, they were fine. Once again during my era most comedians died young because they worked so hard to make other people happy but they might not be happy at all.

So the formula would be” Famous but died young” or “Died young before Rich” It was not my destination.

The last was to be Rich… I aimed to be the writer… such as JK Rowling who created Harry Potter. She got the inspiration during her daily trip on the train. It was fantastic and brilliant stories. She is extremely famous and rich and she is in my age.  I tried to get the inspiration, but I didn't go with train. 

I sat in the toilet waiting for the character, an idea, an inspiration to come…. But there is … “no Harry, no Merry, no Carrie and no ideas came out into my brain. The only thing came out was hemorrhoid because I sat too long in the toilet. 

Rich is not for me. I decided to accept my job as a teacher.  

If you asked me, whether I achieve to be “Young, Famous and Rich”

The answer was, “Yes, I have achieved that”

How???

I always walk like a model while entering my classroom and the students are always paying their attention. Sometimes I become a comedian while I am telling jokes in front of my students. I am teaching Accounting, I know half of the world doesn't like Accounting. So I tried to make “Fun-counting” Definitely I also become a writer for their exam questions.

I am actually YOUNG because no matter how old I am, my students always call me, “Miss Lina”

And Famous as the funny teacher … the last I am Rich with experiences in life.

Ladies and Gentlemen, honorable judges and contest chair

If  “YOUNG, FAMOUS and RICH” is not for you.  

No worries, there is only one thing you will always have; that is TO BE YOURSELF.

Back to you madam contest-chair.

Jakarta, August 26, 2013

Lina Kartasasmita at 10.42 PM

22 years together in pictures and writings.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Mignon McLaughlin

 My dearest husband Jozef,

 This is a letter for you on our 22nd wedding anniversary on June 22, 2013. I am happy to pass another year with you. We have been a great team as a couple and as parents to our lovely daughters.

 Life was not easy for us, but we did our best to go through every problem together. We learn from each other and learn to be wiser in life.

 You always showed your love with every picture you took and you taught me how to see the beauty of the moments that you captured from your camera. In the other hand I captured all memories in my writing.

 Camera is your best friend like books are my best friends. You told us your feelings with the pictures, while I told my feelings by writing notes. These are the languages we use. We show our love and care in different way but all language means the same. Both of us just want to say, “I love you and I care about you”

 After several years of our marriage, I have more knowledge about lens, camera, good picture, bad picture, “white balance“ and others things. While in the same time you learnt reading my notes and my speeches. We experienced not all the pictures you took were the best pictures, and not all my notes were good too and not all my speeches won the competition. However we are not looking to be perfect but we can always learn how to be better.

 Pictures can be distortion and words can be wrong to present our emotion and feeling, however we believe and accept imperfection in our life.

 Each time we had problems; we could see only love could help us to stand over the trouble and problems in our life.

 Today I want to say, “You have the best lens and camera in your heart and mind. You see me through that. The best note I ever made is a note for you and when I write it from my heart”

 Happy wedding anniversary and let us capture more memories in our future life together

 **Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta 20 June 2013 At. 10.42 AM

Life episode: Say clearly

Martin Luther said, “You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say”

When I read this quotation I cannot agree more. One day I had a chance to hear a story about some unhappy marriages. Most of them started their stories from a very small thing in their life. It was so true when my friends said, “We like to collect small problem everyday and at the end we do have a big problem”

We could imagine if it has been years … and years. It becomes a huge problem. And no one could handle it anymore.

Once I asked, “Have you ever say to your spouse about what you want … what you wish to have in life… what is your value of life?”

Most of the answers were, “It just wasted our time. Our husband would not listen and they didn’t care. Silent is golden. We were tired to argue … and argue and nothing changed”

I used to be like that. At certain stage of my marriage life, I decided I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t want to talk or to discuss about the problem. It was not a good choice in marriage life. Communication is important in any relationship. And I just tried to say clearly. The result didn’t come as expected but it was okay.

I think we all have the right to say clearly the value of our life and let other to respect it.

I quoted from the book “A happy married life A Buddhist Perspective” by Ven. Dr. K.  Sri Dhammananda

“A good marriage should grow and develop gradually from understanding and not impulse, from true loyalty and not just sheer indulgence. A marriage is a partnership of equality, gentleness, generosity, calm and dedication. Each is complementary to the other; giving strength and moral courage to each other; supporting and appreciating the other in caring and providing for the family.”

If we have the responsibility for what we say and also for what we don’t say; why don’t we say clearly about the value of our life to our spouse.

As Epictetus said, “ First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do”

Happiness in marriage could be reached if we do what we have to do.

**Lina Kartasasmita**Jakarta, May 11, 2013 at 11.04PM 

Life episode: Banana

Intellectual property has the shelf life of a banana.

Bill Gates

This is a story I always share with my students. I called it banana episode.

It was a long journey from Houston – Texas to Orlando- Florida; we wanted to visit one of my favorite places on earth Disney World. We always enjoyed our journey in my big car from one city to another city. Each trip always had at least one story to share.

My husband and my daughters started their conversation with random topic. At one moment to topic was about English language. They talked that I mispronounced some words but I was so sure about the pronunciation. They laughed about my mistakes. Definitely I couldn’t compare their English with mine. My husband studied in America for his bachelor and master degree. My daughters had the opportunity to study in junior high school in America.

If I thought that was a humiliation, I might not want to speak English anymore. Since I thought I was fine with my stupidity and I always had time to improve my skills I didn’t mind at all.

I told them, “Please teach me how to pronounce the word”

My daughter picked the word, “Banana”

I started to pronounce, “Ba… na …na.ba…na…na… ba…na…na”

After three days I practiced everyday in the car, my daughters were exhausted to hear me. They asked me to stop, “Mom, it is okay. You need to stop practicing”

Unfortunately my eagerness to study wakened and they couldn’t easily stop it. I kept continuing practicing for a week. 

AHA… after a week my daughters really wanted me to stop because their ears full with banana words. It was a time for me to laugh.

People might laugh at us because we couldn’t do what they expected us to do or if we failed. Just take it easy! Don’t let everyone stop you from learning.

I just remembered that Pablo Picasso said, “ I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.”

In my life I started to learn more when I could laugh about myself. It was a great lesson for my daughters, at least they saw “the older we started learning the harder we could get it”

They were so happy when I stopped pronouncing “banana” once I met Mickey and friends at Disney World.

**Lina Kartasasmita**Jakarta, 11 May 2013, at 7.43PM