If they die now…

“If your children look up to you, you’ve made a success of life’s biggest job.” Unknown.

Every time I met my student and he usually asked me, “Lina, how about your daughters?” I always loved to answer his questions. I always told him about my daughters’ achievement. He always smiled and said,  “Lina, you are so proud of your daughters and you always full of love for them” I smiled and said, “I am blessed to be their mom” Both of us smiled and shared the happiness as parents.  

One day, he asked me totally different question, “Lina, I have one question for you. You have spent money to send them studying abroad, what you will do if they die now?”

O… I never thought I had to imagine about that. Sometimes in life, we saw people lost someone they loved and we never thought it would happen to us. Have I thought about it? Yes, 19 years ago I had an argument with my doctor when I wanted him to do the ligation because I wouldn’t have any more babies. My doctor came with an argument what if my babies died and I wanted more babies. At that time my response was “what if I am die, they don’t have a mother” I realized I couldn’t control life, I just could think what the best at that moment. I could plan the future but I couldn’t hold it. I could enjoy the moment right now, not the past and not the future.  The answer became easy. Dead is the certain thing in life, we will die one day. We only have to accept it whether we like it or not, we have to face it.

Now the question was related to the money I spent for my daughters.  I thought as the accountant, who had to make a balance sheet and to count “profit or loss”

Raising children is not a business where we can calculate “profit or loss” I remembered once my friend told me, “ Why you have to spend more money by sending your daughters to study abroad, at the end they might be only become a housewife” My answer at that time was, “I just know my responsibility as parent to support my children to achieve their dreams, to help them in exploring their ability and to help them to be themselves. Their dreams are not my dreams, so I only can support them to spread their wings and then let them fly to achieve their destiny” There is not “profit or loss” in raising children, we build a person, we build a character and we build a human being. What we spend for their education, it called investment for their life.

My student looked at me, he still waited my answer. I took a deep breath, “ If they die now, I only can learn to accept that, dead is the real certain thing, we can not avoid it. I will never regret that I send them abroad, money is one thing in life … but if the money could give them great experiences in their life, it is part of the purpose to spend the money. I love them in my life and I keep telling them that I love them. Either they or I die first it doesn’t matter; I want them to know they are precious in my life. As long as they know I love them… I will never regret it. I will thank them for all the lesson I have learnt in raising them and the memories we have together”

My student gave me a big hug and said, “You are a good mother”  

I am still learning to be a good mother for my children and I will learn from them about love and happiness.  Raising children is always a blessing in my life and blessing is considered “profit”. I hope my daughters can say one day that I am a good mother for them and I will achieve as Brian Tracy said: 

         

 “If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings.”

**Lina Kartasasmita, Jakarta, 7 October 2012 at 7.25PM **